A couple of weeks ago there was a theory that I’d be in surgery right now. Or recovering. Or laying in a hospital bed. Or, whatever… anywhere but at home working away.
If I had really taken what the ER doctors were telling me to heart, I would have given in and let their thoughts take over my recovery. Wasn’t going to happen. Now, don’t get me wrong. I had a moment or two when I started to feel sorry for myself. I began to wallow and texted a couple of people of the diagnoses.
But when I took stock of my true feelings, I reminded myself that I needed to take a breath. Remind myself that things can be ok. They’ll be ok.
When I hurt my knee … again … and went to the ER for x-rays, I was not necessarily worried as I was disappointed. Like, “damnit, really!?”
When they told me the results of the x-rays, “torn quadriceps tendon,” I was not necessarily concerned. More like, “Oh, Come On!”
When they told me the only way to repair this situation was surgery, I wasn’t nervous. It was truly, “Seriously?”
Chin up, Carmen. Sit quietly and truly listen to what your body is trying to tell you.
Yea, I got nothing.
“Everything happens for a reason. Luck and fate are the same thing. It just depends on how you look at life.”
Anonymous
I talked to my leg. I talked to my knee. I encouraged them to retain their strength as I sat in the ER. Or was I trying to convince myself, really?
Maybe a little of both. The ER nurse thought I was daffy.
I had come so far already, I was not about to slip back to yet another surgery. Yet another 6-8 weeks of rehab. Not gonna happen.
I focused on all the good in my life. I focused on the new business that was thriving with my business partner. I focused on the last few weeks I have with my kiddo before she moves to Chicago. I focused on the beautiful weather. I focused on a healthy leg, a strong knee.
“When you focus on the good, the good gets better.”
Jade Marie
I was discharged with an immobilizer on my leg. Don’t bend it for any reason! Don’t remove the immobilizer unless you’re going to shower. Yet, I was told in the ER that I needed to try to put some weight on the leg. So, as we arrived to the house that night I talked to my knee and my leg again. You know, words of encouragement. “We can do this!” “You can handle the weight, knee! I know you can” “Don’t be scared, it’s just one step at a time.”
Got out of the car. Step one. Took a step on my toe. Step two.
See? We got this!
“You can handle more weight, knee. Because at this rate, we’re not getting in the house until tomorrow morning! Let’s go!”
Took another step with more weight and POP!
“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.”
Ovid
To be honest, I yelled out so loudly I’m surprised that dogs didn’t bark and babies didn’t cry! It freaking hurt! Bad. It took my breath away and I had a tear in my eye.
But, when I stopped cursing I knew I had to keep walking because I wasn’t even half-way up the drive way to get to the house. So, I did.
And, I took another step. And, another. And, it didn’t hurt as badly anymore.
Oh sure it was sore, but the pain wasn’t bad and I it seemed as though I had movement in my knee again.
Saw my orthopedic surgeon the following week. His intern came in the office first and was prepping me to accept my fate – more surgery. They had an opening the following week, he said. Well, we’ll see about that!
My surgeon came in. Removed the immobilizer and touched my leg. With a quizzical brow he asked me to lift it up. I did. Then he asked me to lower it slowly. I did. He asked me to lift it again and then he held my leg up. Can I keep my leg lifted, he asked? Pffft! Of course!
He turned to the intern with a surprised look.
We need new xrays!
So, come to find out that my kneecap got lodged under the hardware of the repaired femur! The xray from the ER looked horrible. The kneecap looked like it was over my shin!
Apparently, when I took that Painful Popping Step my kneecap forced its way out from under the femur and back in to place.
The surgeon turned to me and said, “Sometimes it is better to be lucky than good.”
Nah, I’m good. Because my knee and I knew we were just fine. We had already come to that agreement.
Carmen is a single mom who acts, sings, drinks way too much coffee and writes stuff as she authentically navigates life. Sometimes it’s interesting, sometimes not so much. You can decide. But if something moves you, drop a line, share it far and wide, and let me know what you think! Be sure to check out her business website, Heart-Centered Marketing and Business Solutions.
