I’ve been working on a lot of beliefs lately.
Feelings of being a victim. Self- Protection. Broken Heart. Vulnerability. Self-Worth. Connection. My alignment.
Well, you get it.
A few years ago I went through an amazing transformation finding my authentic self, my unique self, my brilliant self as taught to me by a brilliant friend and leadership coach, Deborah LeeAnn. She helped me find my SHINE. Led me to achieve some goals I didn’t even realize I wanted to achieve. Talk about transformational! I felt so aligned. So free. So brave. Radiating energy and vibrating high.
She taught me that I was energy. I was soul. This body transports me, but I am a high vibrating soul of energy.
And, I started taking care of this body. And, started working as an actress again. And, I started dating. And, I started living. I felt free! I felt brave!
Then, I started to lose myself with the busy-ness of life and love and work and family, and, and, and, and…
If you’re brave enough, often enough, you’re going to fall.
Brené Brown
I was brave as I grew and learned and expanded and shone and then started to fall. And I seemed to have fallen. Hard.
I started to lose my SHINE. I started to lose my energy. I needed to do something to find that energy once again. I had to do something! I had the SHINE tools, I knew what to do, but something was missing.
So, I reached out to another brilliant friend of mine, Bridgette Kosser. I knew she did energy work. And, I knew I needed some serious alignment. And, let me tell you what…
Bridgette led me through an amazing experience. She helped me unpack some deep, hidden, hurtful, heartbreaking truths that I didn’t even know were simmering so close to the surface of mySelf. She exposed how I was settling for experiences, things, people that were resonating with the pain I experienced so long ago. How I “naturally” returned to my patterns of “settling” because I wanted to protect and hide mySelf – surviving instead of thriving.
I had so many painful beliefs playing on repeat in my head and heart that I was dragging them with me through my life. Such powerfully strong energy that needed to be released. And fast!
In a (what seemed a nanosecond) two-hour session, Bridgette taught me that I was “managing” my energy through the pain. She explained that I manage how to react to people, places, events by being intuitive, but not feeling as though I was enough to move past the negative patterns of pain and guilt. I had to use my energy differently. Effectively. Remember who I truly am, not the version that I used to protect myself and my heart.
I felt like that image of the Monte Python exploding head. My head was literally blown and things and feelings and memories and events and pain and embarrassments and anger and all the things I had hidden away just bolted out. Pandora’s box if you will.
But instead of throwing it all back in I released it with gusto. Bridgette helped me go back to the original time when my heart was broken and worked through that pain. She had me realize how it was affecting me as I moved forward through my life now. How the pattern continues on repeat until I break the cycle.
She had me realize that my issue of wanting to be seen and heard was excruciatingly powerful. Please, I just want to be seen and heard.
She then had me go to a time in my life when I did feel seen and heard. Surprisingly enough it was at an audition a little over a year ago. When I was the oldest person in the room. When I completely threw caution to the wind and said, “fuck it, I’m owning this shit!” Then actually did.
I was brave and free and hot and tingly, and open and fluid and sassy … I was me. The true me. The authentic me. Why then? Because I had nothing to lose. It didn’t matter to me how they saw me at that moment and I allowed myself to open up and be seen. I allowed it to feel safe to be seen.
What an amazing experience to feel that completely joyous feeling once again. I embodied it. I accepted it. I became it.
You are liquid love in physical bodies, wanting, more than life itself, because it is life itself, to adore the vessel that’s you through which this Source Energy flows. You are God. You are Source. You are creator.
Abraham Hicks
Bridgette helped me find my energy. I am creating my authentic reality. I am fluid once again.
Now, I know I have to continue working on keeping it here with me. Front and center. Continue to remember the fluid and free and sassy me.
But man, does it feel good to be doing this energy work. Thank you, Bridgette!
Energy is fluid. And, now so am I.
You can check out Bridgette’s class, Mastering Your Energy, on Friday, August 9, 2019, at Silver Lining: A Holistic Center. You can find more information about the event here.
