I am not a fan when I speak and people don’t hear me.
I am not a fan when I try so hard to communicate well and cannot form my words. I can’t make a complete sentence. Especially when I am in a place of anger, frustration, emotion. And, most especially when I’m speaking with family.
I am not a fan of people that don’t listen. Yet, when I can’t communicate, how do I expect them to hear me?
I am a communicator. I pride myself on being able to form sentences in such a way as to make others take notice. Yet, when there is subject so close to my heart, so full of emotion, so important to me that my tongue gets twisted I make no sense or allow others to step on what I am staying… well, that’s not a good feeling at all.
I can’t seem to make a convincing argument. At. All.
I know what I need do.
I know what I need to say.
I know what I want to do, to say.
Yet I do none of it.
And, I allow my emotions to get the better of me.
And, I allow the other person to get the better of me.
I feel discounted.
I feel brushed aside.
I feel disrespected.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel invisible.
And, I cry.
I don’t like myself like this. It’s like a small panic or anxiety attack. Especially when it is with a family member. I shut down.
I hate it, actually. And, I’m not a fan of hating myself!
And why? Because I know I am not any of those things!
I know I am smart. I know I am somebody. I know I am a person with deep thoughts, coherent sentences, a clear mind.
So, what do I need to do to make myself clear? To get my point across?
I need to be true to myself. Allow the feelings come over me. Get through them.
And work on my personal communications skills once again.
The good thing about communications – it never really ends. You have a chance to make it right. You have a chance to say something again. You have a chance to clarify your thoughts.
Take a deep breath. Try again.
And, if the other person doesn’t want to listen – understand, that’s on them.