“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” 

– Groucho Marx

I have come to the realization that men online truly enjoy playing darts. It’s not necessarily in their description – dart playing – but they do.  Throwing their darts hither and yon trying to hit a bullseye whenever and where ever they can.

And, by darts, I mean their penis.

Now, I realize that dating and their sexual needs are different for men. Their {{ahem}} urges are right out there.  And, I can try to understand that if you’ve been searching online for a while and when you do actually see a woman in person, it can be overwhelming. I think.

I didn’t say I did understand…just that I could try.  I couldn’t.

But gracious! the number of men that I have been propositioned by online are endless. I may be a bit cute, but really…I’m not that gorgeous, beautiful, striking, or whatever other description they want to use to get my attention. Ok, maybe that doesn’t get old, but you know what I mean.

And, if I’m called “dear” one more time! Ugh.

Stop telling me how kissable my lips are. Stop telling me that you could get lost in my eyes. Meet me in person first and lets see what we think.

Of course, I also get those men that think they are god’s gift. Talk about playing darts.  That’s all they want to do.

They want to send me pictures of their pecks, their six-pack, their… um, dart! They have told me about all the dart games they have played, like that is going to make me say, “break me off a piece of that!” I ask, if you’re so wonderful and good looking and so good at hitting the bullseye, why are you online dating? I mean, what’s really wrong with you?

I’m also asked if I would like to be friends with benefits. Could be a good option, but doesn’t that mean we have to be friends first? Put that dart away. I’m not in to playing games.

I have been on a couple of meetings – not sure I can call them dates. One man was a year or two older than I. He was a sweet gentleman when we met. You could tell he was nervous, which made me try to be more calm to offset it. We had coffee, put his coat around my shoulders when I was cold, asked permission to give me a kiss at the end of the night. He talked about what he would like to do for our first date and wanted to be sure it was something I would enjoy. We talked for a good three hours through coffee then wine. We talked easily about work, children, his grand kids. He texted me making sure I got home safe. Texted about how great it was to meet me and how he couldn’t wait for our date………. then I never heard from him again. Nothing. Nada. Crickets.

Um, hello?

Of course, then I met a couple of men that as we are messaging back and forth come to realize that they just won’t be able to meet my expectations. I get “your so much more sophisticated than me.” Or, “you like all that fancy music, I don’t think you’ll like me because I like country.” Or, some other nonsense. “I’m a simple man.” That’s always a good retort. Ok, my profile has all the music I enjoy and activities I enjoy and all that “sophisticated stuff” that I enjoy. Did you even read what I wrote before connecting with me?

I told myself to hold on until after the new year. I’ve only be online about 3 weeks. I just don’t know how much longer I can put up with this – whatever this is – because it’s not “dating.”  I was supposed to have met a man last night and he messaged me and chickened out. That’s ok I told him. Would you like to reschedule? “No,” he tells me, “I don’t think I’m ready for you.”

Ready for me?

Ready for me?

Ready for me?

I don’t get it.

Ready for me as a woman? Ready for me as a new acquaintance? Ready to date? Ready to shower and get out of the house? Ready to remove yourself from behind the computer and go in to the real world where you actually have to socialize and not pretend to be someone you’re not so that you can attract people you don’t know? Which one?

It was for a drink! We weren’t going to get married! No commitment here. Sheesh!

But I guess it did save me an evening. Whatever!

A dear friend says that I need to remain Authentic.  Thank goodness I continue to try, even while online.  Even if I feel uncomfortable sometimes. Even if I get nervous. Because if they can’t handle me online, goodness help them when we meet in person!

Another friend told me that I’m better than online dating.

I’m starting to believe her.

Carmen Garcia writes about stuff… life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

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