“Oh Lord Help Me!”

~ Carmen

So I’ve been online dating for a week. Seven days. Monday through Sunday. One full week.  I emphasize the length of time because I have been overwhelmed by fellow online daters wanting to make a connection. Within this time frame I have been inundated with men (at least that what they say they are) that want to meet me. 
And, boy do we have a plethora of characters reaching out to make a “deeper connection” online. 
One went right to the point of messaging me that he wanted to “please and be pleased.” Um…. Excuse me? You don’t even have a profile picture! I don’t care if you say you have a PhD! Are you kidding? 
Another started off his message with “I didn’t realize angels walked on this earth.” I really was hoping that I didn’t have to deal with cheesy opening lines – now I’m having them messaged to me! Ugh!
A guy asks, “I love coffee, do you like younger men?” I’m sorry, what? 
Oh please…next!
This gorgeous man (according to his profile pictures) that tells me he’s looking for friends. Wonderful, I thought!  Me too!  Great, he responds. How about friends with benefits? WHAT?
Lord! Next!
Then there’s the guy that immediately started calling me “my dearest.”  “Good morning my dearest.” “How is your day, my dearest?” “I’m thinking about you, my dearest.” Followed with kiss, heart and rose emojis. For Heaven Sakes!!!  {{{shudder}}} 
Of course, there are all the men that sent a little “meet me” check mark – they don’t even try! No message, just a little announcement via the app that says they want to meet me… Most have pictures, many don’t. 
I took a deep breath. 
Picked the lesser of all the evils and took a leap. And, as he was the first to ask if we could meet – without the little app – I figured, let’s do this. Get the first one out the way. Like a bandaid. 
I know, I know… not the best way to start this endeavor. 
I wasn’t looking for anything promising really, anyway. Is it too much to ask for someone to use proper grammar and punctuation? Please no texting shortcuts in an email type message. Oy! Please try a little – a little effort. That’s not too much to ask for, is it? 
A friend suggested we speak on the phone first. So we did.  
Oh. My. God.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed. We didn’t meet. I just couldn’t.
I’m not seeking an Adonis. I’m not seeking a genius. A gentleman, trusting, honest and loving. I would love kind eyes. Someone to have a decent conversation with over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. 
There’s a guy in Denver that has started messaging me. He’s the most decent so far. We’ll see what happens.
Maybe being single isn’t so bad. 
Lord, help me!

Carmen Garcia writes about stuff… life as a single mother, dating, weight loss, performing, and other random experiences. Sometimes it makes sense. Other times, not so much. You decide.

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