Do I fear my limitations or do limits cause my fear?
When I was 75 pounds heavier I knew my motion was limited. I knew I had to baby my knee. I knew I fell often because I couldn’t stabilize my legs. I couldn’t cross my legs, couldn’t walk more than to the mailbox, couldn’t walk without pain.
My main exercise immediately out of surgery – and I mean as soon as I woke up from the anesthesia – was walking. Up and down the hallways I went. Over and over again. I couldn’t do much or go far, but walk I did.
When I got home I was told I had to work up to walking 30 minutes a day. Were they kidding me? I can’t even walk for 2 minutes, let alone 30! I thought I would die.
My knees hurt so bad. My legs wobbled under me. But I started by walking around my dining room table. A few times around and I had had enough. And, I walked so slowly…
Last year I went with a friend to see her son play soccer for Summit. If any of you have gone to Summit for a soccer game you know that the field is at the very end of Summit’s property. I swear it is all downhill to get there; which of course, means it is completely uphill to get back.
My friend warned me about the walk and distance. I was frightened. I knew my limit and I knew I wouldn’t make it with just her description of where I needed to go. When I went to see him play I actually drove to the field. Now, they don’t really allow folks to drive down to the field without permission as there are limited handicapped spaces there. But, I borrowed my folks car with their handicap tag and I drove. My limits and fears had me absolutely certain I couldn’t make it there to see him.
As I drove to the field I remember thinking – no way I would have been able to walk down here! Much less walk all the way back. No Way! Never!
I use to think that way about a lot of things. Did you see that yoga pose? No way I can do that! How many squats? No way I can handle that many! I need to move how? Never! Get a grip!
But it was me that needed to get a grip. Yes. I did have limits. And, yes, my fear of my limits kept me from doing many things. Or, was it my perceived limits that caused my fear?
Either way. No more!
I did walk. Around the dining room table. Then I made my way to up the street. Then, down and around the cul de sac around the corner. Then down to the bottom of our hill and back up again. Soon I was at the gym on a treadmill walking for a good 30 – 45 minutes straight. I’m going a couple miles at a time now and working toward a 5K. No limits. No fear.
As I have walked and lost weight my fear of movement has diminished. I don’t have to steady myself on my feet every time I stand up from a chair or get out of my car. I don’t have to drive around a parking lot to find a closer spot to the door. I’m not having to hold on to a grocery cart to buy two things at the grocery store. And, I can walk all the way down and back up to and from the school’s parking lot to the soccer field at Summit.
You can’t imagine the thrill I felt when I got back to the car and I wasn’t really breathing heavy.
My limits and fears were in my head. Just an illusion that kept me from doing so many things.
I am conquering my fear and limits. One step at a time.
I just got cleared for weight training. I remember seeing a cross-fit boot camp…that sounds like fun!
Never say never.