When my daughter’s stomach hurts she always describes it as WWIII happening inside her. The same can be said for my head and pouch right now.
I eat what I am supposed to, as much as I’m supposed to. But yesterday seemed like it just wasn’t enough. I wanted to eat, but wasn’t hungry. And that was somewhat depressing.
I didn’t like that feeling.
In the past I would just eat anything. I wanted to put something in my mouth and I did it. I would try to choose something “healthy.” But let’s be honest, it never really was an option I would naturally select.
In the bariatric world – and, yes there is one – this is called “head hunger.” Your mind is literally playing tricks with you.
As I have said in the past, if I was bored I would eat. If I was sad, I would eat. If I was happy, I would eat. If I was… you get the picture. So while food is consuming my days now, it did in the past too. The difference is that now I am conscious of it, where before it was an unconscious habit.
And, that is what makes it difficult now too. Where I would mindlessly gravitate to food before, now my mind is thinking about food when I don’t really want food.
I don’t like this feeling.
I noticed it when I was driving to the store yesterday. I’m driving along and thought to myself, I could stop and pick up a … WAIT! Pick up a what? Hamburger? Fries? A Quarter Pounder with Cheese Combo? What was I thinking? I’m not even hungry. I am perfectly satisfied.
My brain, pouch and heart got in to a heated argument. It wasn’t pretty.
It was almost like “ghost hunger.” The 3/4 of my stomach they took away was still aching for comfort food. Trying to call the shots – and it isn’t even there anymore! While the pouch was trying to remind my brain that this need for greasy fast food wasn’t necessary. Let alone that one bite of that stuff and my pouch would have rejected it in a heartbeat.
Up until yesterday, I hadn’t experienced such a thing. But, this struggle isn’t going to go away that easily, I am sure. I just have to continue to remind myself that I am escaping from my old ways of eating and developing new healthy habits.
I’ve had 57 years of eating poorly. I’m really not missing out on anything anymore. Because if I continue on the wrong path I’ll miss out on so much more.